Saturday, 10 May 2014

Attack of the brassiere


Have you ever been attacked by your unmentionables? I have, totally embarrassing. I blogged about it here  last year, but this time it was a different scenario. (Pathetic that I even blog about this stuff, but it is mundane women's business that needs to be vented).
Last weekend, a sheer act of love found me at Alliance Stadium with the boys footy club on a cold Saturday night. The club was to do a 'march past' around the field before the big game, with a handful of other schools. Numbers were a little low, so hubby asked if I'd like to come. Reluctantly I said yes. Lulu and I were the only girls. We waited in the freezing cold for over an hour with a bunch of rowdy and excited boys, then marched with pride in red and blue around the stadium. I wish I hadn't revelled in Autumn so much and worn a few more layers. Anyhow, Bear wiggled and wiggled waiting for the game to start. A few "is it finished yet?" slipped out even before kickoff and the cold made the trips to the loo all the more frequent for everyone.
Once we'd all settled and Paul had gone to buy some snacks, Bear feel asleep in my arms. It was good because we kept each other warm, but I literally couldn't move, not even to scratch my nose because of the way I was holding him. My arms were pinned. Next thing I know ( mid-conversation with another dad next to me) I am being poked in the chin by none other than the right girl's underwire.
Can you imagine the horror. Completely pinned down by Bear, no hubby to assist in the retrieval or retraction of the wire and Joe Blogg chatting away as if nothing was amiss. Surely he saw the boomerang of wire making its way up my nose. If he did, he was gracious and didn't let on, if he didn't, he was blind.
I finally managed to end the conversation with the (false) necessity to speak to Lulu on the other side of me. Once my back was turned I pushed the wire down with my chin, trying desperately to poke it below the level of my scarf. It would have to do before reinforcement made it back with the snacks. With a beer and handful of pies in hand, my helper was all but useless, the wire stayed put until Bear woke. I spent more time checking on it's location than on the game.
Has this ever happened to you?

Happy Mother's Day (for tomorrow) to all you superb women who constantly make sheer acts of love….unconditionally.
Much Love
Liv x

9 comments:

  1. Luff you Liv! Quite possibly peeing myself reading this........not difficult post three HUGE babies xo

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    1. …just don't jump on the trampoline!

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  2. Hilarious! I should of course not laugh but this is too funny. Also the post with the unmentionables, which I missed because I had not discovered your blog back in 2013. I have not had my wires up the nose yet, just got them stuck in the washing machine. I have stopped wearing my body armour because it gives me a huge bust and bulging knees. The bulge needs to go somewhere after all. Happy Mother's Day!

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    1. yes, to hell with body armour Christina.

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  3. This is so funny. But I can't quite figure out how it's even possible...? I virtually never wear underwires (ain't got much that needs supportin') so I can't say I've ever been in those trenches. But I'm very much in the: "do they see the milk leaking on my shirt" stage of motherhood, so I can sorta relate :)

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    1. Kate, sometimes the wire pops through the fabric, and once it has pierced that hole, there is no turning back!
      The 'leaky' stage is a shocker too. What we women have to go though I tell you…
      xx

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  4. HA!!!! What the hell! This was just fantastic!! You got me with this one pal!!! I have never had this exact experience though I have had others that have left me in the same position of pure horror! Thank you for making me smile! Wishing you a wonderful weekend lady! You are a superb writer by the way...and mama!!!!! Nicole xoxo

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  5. Yes Nicole, there are many horror stories in my book. I should do a post on the top 5….you'd all feel pretty good about yourselves I reckon! x

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  6. 'the right girl's underwire' had me crying with laughter!!!!

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